So let me tell you an honest story: I’m an obnoxious jerk.
Pictured: An Obnoxious Jerk
But not in the way you’re thinking! I’m not a bully, I’m kind to puppies, and I never take the last cookie.
Well, almost never
So no, I’m not an obnoxious jerk for any of the traditional reasons. I’m an obnoxious jerk because I don’t need to work very hard to get good grades and I loveeeeeeeee telling people about it.
You’re lucky I couldn’t figure out how to upload videos, otherwise this would have been a evil laugh over a Spice Girls track.
And sure, that sounds like the best possible reason to be an obnoxious jerk, ever. I didn’t have to study in high school. I struggled with two classes in undergrad. I started papers maybe two days before their due dates if I was feeling particularly productive, and I’d get A’s. Easy Peasy.
So what’s really the problem with this that makes me an obnoxious jerk?
This makes me the worst procrastinator in the entire universe.
I procrastinated on taking a new picture for this one, so here’s one that’s already done.
You may think you’re no Eager Beaver yourself when it comes to schoolwork. But trust me. Your ‘last minute’ frantic panic is like my three day weekend before I even have to start thinking about this assignment.
Case in point: I looked at this module for the first time yesterday at 10pm. Briefly considered thinking about this blog assignment until I figured eh, I have plenty of time and had a Spice Girls Dance Party by myself in my apartment instead. I painted my fingernails and my toenails.
And they came out fabulous!
I finally started writing a rough draft of this blog post at 3pm, taking lots of breaks in between. I took 40 minutes trying to pick out earrings to wear in these photos. Another 20 to find the perfect angle for my laptop camera. Another break to go dance to Backstreet Boys this time. I reorganized my nail polish collection. I thought about washing my floor, and decided to take a nap instead.
And now it’s getting dark out. My deadline is finally starting to weigh on me.
This could have been done hours ago. But nope. I had to keep putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off some more until it actually was crunch time, and I had to throw myself into getting this done.
I love and hate procrastinating like this.On one hand, working under pressure motivates me to actually work. It forces me to think and plan about actual important things, as opposed to wondering if I should keep my 90s party going with N*Sync next (Answer: Always yes.) I always end up finishing on time, and my work is always good.
But there’s never enough time to ensure if my work is truly great. I’m always rushing to finish, so who knows if I’m fully exploring my story. If I’m presenting the best version of my story, not just my good-enough first draft. Or even if this actually is the story I want to tell.
Sure this procrastination-always-rushing/delaying-my-story idea has been swirling around in my mind for a few hours, but if I had given it some more time, would I have come up with something different? Would it have been better?
Would it have been something closer to my heart, as opposed to something on my mind?
I don’t know why I lack so much focus when I have everything else. I’ve read articles that when people are reluctant to begin working, they’re afraid they don’t actually have anything of value to say. So they need the pressure of time to force their brain to just churn out whatever’s needed to get the project done, without the opportunity to even consider what’s coming out.
I don’t know if that’s me or not. It’s much more comfortable to brush this off as me being an obnoxious jerk. That’s the first thing that pops into my head, and it feels safer to admit.
Especially when my other option is wondering if I actually do have a story worth telling.